This is me.
This is who I want you to see when you look at me.
It’s not really me at all.
But I just don’t see this person when I look in the mirror. I see the first picture.
This isn’t the first time I’ve talked about this problem.
It’s stupid, right? How is it a bad thing if I see myself as beautiful when I’m something far from it?
It’s because I’m still lying. I’m believing something that isn’t real.
It doesn’t matter how much weight I gain if I can change the picture in my head; if I can change the picture in Photoshop.
I’m pretty damn good at it, huh?
I think what fuels my obsession is the fact that no one sees me. Literally.
I never go out, and the last time I saw someone who wasn’t a family member was back in August I think.
Or was it September?
So to me, it doesn’t really matter if the picture and reality don’t match up, because I don’t really have a reason to care about it. Fellow grocery shoppers don’t care.
It doesn’t change who I am, though. I’m still Karly. Still the same old weird, silly, introverted nutcase.
I’m still the same old loyal friend who will do whatever I can to make life a little easier for someone else.
I’m still the melancholy girl, the sensitive girl, the insecure girl. I’m still everything you’ve always known me to be.
I need to break this habit. It’s obviously destroying me.
I’m overweight. Unhealthy. There is nothing beautiful in being unhealthy.
I don’t want to be the person in the second picture.
I want to the person in the first person.
So how do I do it? How do I face reality and turn one photo into the other?
I’ll be starting my journey on the 13th, and as part of the program, I will be blogging about my progress each week.
I’ve known about it for a couple of weeks now, and my heart still races with excitement every time I think about it.
This is it. This is my beginning. I will be accountable.
I’m scared of course. Scared to fail. Scared I won’t lose the weight. Scared I’ll run into some other problem.
Will you help me?
Will you cheer me on and keep me on track?
Remind me of the person I want to be: trimmer, leaner, healthier, happier?
I hope you will.
You can follow my journey here on the blog, as well as on instagram.
Watch for my hashtag: #karlygetsawesome
We can do this.